8 Calming Ways to Manage Anger In Romantic Relationships

8 Calming Ways to Manage Anger In Romantic Relationships

Humans are only humans. No matter how patient you might be, your patience sometimes gets roughly tested to the point that it gets overstretched. When that happens, there are times when your emotions overtake you. Similarly, no matter how much you are in love in a romantic relationship, there are times when you also get upset and even angry towards your partner. There are times when you are displeased by them and vice versa. Nobody’s perfect, and no relationship is perfect. Yup, everyone gets mad sometimes, but the most important thing to remember is knowing how to manage anger when it arises. 

Anger is a human emotion, and it is without a doubt very powerful. When you are angry, you are not really thinking straight and clear. Exasperation sometimes causes you to hurt others through actions and words. Some people speak bad words and inflict violence on other people. Truly, anger is a normal emotion with fruits that can be scary and dangerous. That’s why proper anger management is vital in all romantic relationships.

Take note that anger management does not equate to keeping your anger within your chest until it bursts out and turns to sharp blades. Rather, it is composed of discovering and understanding yourself more, your anger patterns, the person you become when you get angry, and the manners by which you must respond to these emotions. 

Managing your anger should be part of your responsibility as a significant other. Of course, you don’t want to hurt them in any way because of your anger that may or may not be directed towards them. Regardless of the reason for getting angry at times or for a long time, don’t let anger make you a bad person and a bad lover. Here are 8 calming ways to manage anger in romantic relationships.

1 – Think and understand before you react. 

Your lover did something that disappointed you. You don’t feel good about it. It could be about something they said or the way they said it. It could be because of their viewpoints that are somewhat contrasting to yours. How do you react? Do you mindlessly spew harsh words towards them or slap them on the cheek? Or do you pause and ponder on the situation?

Needless to say, you should think first and understand before you react. If you suddenly feel offended or hurt, it’s so easy to abruptly reply with a fuming mood, however, doing so can make you unnecessarily hurt your partner. If your reaction was due to a wrong assumption, you will be humiliated, and it will be too late for you to take back your ill-tempered speech because the damage has already been done. 

Clear your heated mind. Collect your thoughts. Pull yourself together. Your anger should not block your mind and should not allow you to focus on negativity. Think about what has offended you. Did your lover really intend it? Or did you just misinterpret what they said? Did you really see him/her do what you hate? Or did you just overthink for no reason? 

Think before you let your anger do its thing on you.

2 – Express your anger in an honest yet non confrontational approach.

After composing yourself and understanding the reason for your anger, express it in an honest yet non confrontational approach. This is quite a challenge for such an intense emotion, but it can be done. 

You may be bold when conveying your anger and your thoughts, especially because that is what people do when they are angry. Nevertheless, don’t do so in a quarrelsome manner. Truthfully tell your partner what you feel, but aim not to hurt them or to start a fight between you two. 

In this way, your anger can be voiced out respectfully and responsibly. Also, you will avoid provoking your partner to feel frustrated as well. You can resolve an issue better if you do this. 

3 – Value healthy casual conversations.

Some people in romantic relationships are so short-tempered that even small things that are totally no big deal make them angry. This could be one of the results of a lack of healthy communication in romantic relationships.

Truth be told, being in a relationship does mean you only have each other’s back when it’s time for fun and intimacy. Part of it is having a best friend, a confidant, a favorite buddy with whom you can talk about anything, anytime and anywhere. 

Value healthy casual conversations with your significant other. You cannot only be talking about your problems and aspirations. Discuss even the most random things that you notice around, find interesting, or are curious about. This is how you get to know more about each other even when you’ve been together for a long time already. 

Through this, you develop a stronger sense of closeness and trust towards each other. Spending time with each other, talking about big and small things that matter, allows you to understand each other’s emotions, attitudes, and personalities. You will know what makes the other person disappointed. At the same time, your partner will know about yours too. This connection will balance your emotions whenever you get into arguments or when you feel offended by the other person.  

4 – Exercise.

You didn’t expect this to be on the list, did you? Exercising has loads of health benefits not only to the body but to the mind. It puts you in a good mood and gives you energy for positivity. Stress is relieved, and you don’t have much energy for negativities when you work out. What’s more, exercising is fun and enjoyable! It gives you bright and happy vibes. 

5 – Listen to good music.

Good music makes one feel good, and everyone can attest to that. There are songs that make you dance and groove. There are songs that comfort you. These can help you calm down whenever you are not really in a good mood. Listening to good music before talking with your lover about what angered you will allow you to lessen the tension and bring your thoughts together. 

6 – Get some air alone when you’re stressed out.

Breaks are needed in between tiring workloads. They are also needed when you feel mad but don’t want to let it take over you. 

Get some air alone when you’re stressed out. Walk. Go to a coffee shop all by yourself. Drop by the seashore. Visit a library. Check out your garden.

Take some quiet time alone for you to think clearly. When you go back home or when you speak again with your partner, you will be more ready to speak without feeling as angry as you were earlier.  

7 – Consult a mental health professional.

Domestic violence in romantic relationships are outcomes of anger, especially chronic anger and manipulative anger. This is jeopardizing, and if one commits domestic violence, he/she is punishable by law. Imagine your spouse calling lawyers against you, asking help from authorities because of your misdeeds towards them. It’s staggering.   

If your anger is becoming hard to understand and control, consult mental health professionals. They will help you know what’s happening with you and make you realize things that you should and should not be doing in your romantic relationship. They can guide you to becoming a better version of yourself, in and out of an angry emotion. Learn proper anger management through their assistance. 

8 – Reflect and pray for yourself. 

Anger is a normal human emotion, but if the fruits are wicked, it becomes inappropriate and sometimes inhumane. 

If your anger has become a burden to you and to your lover and family, and you feel like there is something inside of you that needs to be mended spiritually, call unto God. Reflect and pray for yourself. Speak with yourself, and speak to God. Especially if your anger is due to unforgiveness and resentment, including those from past issues, ask God to help you forgive and move on with strength. Seek divine guidance to repair you, so you can live a more peaceful and beautiful life for yourself and for the people you love.



Some people mistake anger management to anger suppression. For suppression, you are just holding in the fierce emotion. It can be unhealthy and harmful to the relationship. It could grow into numerous hidden pains, which eventually can make you explode, saying and doing things out of anger. On the other hand, for management, you are learning about anger as an emotion and grasping your anger styles as an individual. Through this, you are aware of the signs that you’re getting infuriated, and you recognize how to effectively attend to them. 

Anger management is essential for every person in a romantic relationship while suppression should not become a habit. Healthy communication, combined with honesty and openness, is a must. When your lover has done something that made you feel bad or offended, tell them honestly, aiming to understand their reason and to forgive them after both of you have resolved it. Meanwhile, when you have done something that made your spouse mad, don’t invalidate their feelings, especially if you’re really the wrong one. Speak with each other non-judgmentally. Listen with an open heart and mind. Respond with respect.   

Even when you’re angry, you can be gentle. You can be peaceful. You can be a good example. There are some reasons for anger that seem to be so unforgivable because they are just so wrong, but nonetheless, even when you’re angry, remember not to do and say something that you will regret forever. 

Learn to express your anger in calming ways. It’s for you, for your significant other, and for your dear relationship with each other.         



Nicole Ann Pore, a content writer from the Philippines, is the author of this article.


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